You're A Good Man, Bellamy Blake
by Pawprinter
Summary: Bellamy has many regrets, but none are bigger than leaving Clarke behind to die in Praimfaya. Now, he's back on Earth and has found out she's still alive. After being reunited with her and the rest of Skaikru, he turns to his old mentor for advice on forgiveness and moving on. Whatever happens next, at least he knows they'll be together. Post-season 4.


**Hi again! I hope you are all well.**

 **Here is another Bellarke one-shot for you guys. I'm happy to say, this one is a lot lighter than my most recent Bellarke fic "Ashes"! I know a lot of you guys were looking for something that had a happy ending - well, here it is!**

 **Apparently, I can't write 100% fluff because this is still angst. My bad. It's just a lot lighter than my other works!**

 **Genre Tags:** Romance, friendship, angst, hurt/comfort

 **Warnings:** Bellamy's gloomy and has some darker thoughts (but nothing darker than any of my other works, if you're a regular reader), and, of course, some more mature language. I try to keep it T level, but it is always so hard to judge. If you have any concerns, message me and we can have a chat. Also, if you think that I have the rating wrong, let me know and I will either adjust the rating or edit the story.

 **Enjoy!**

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 **You're A Good Man, Bellamy Blake**

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"I'll be back later tonight," Abby said, pressing a kiss to her husband's lips. He smiled genuinely at her, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Bellamy couldn't help but feel the pang of jealousy that arose when he saw two people so openly in love. _He wanted that._

His eyes shifted from the couple, towards the woman he loved. _Towards the woman he left._ She stood a few feet away from him, so different than what he remembered.

He remembered the 17-year-old girl, so mature and so strong. He remembered her having so much fire that burned anything that got too close at the wrong time. He remembered her long blonde hair. He remembered her.

Well, the old her.

Now, looking at the 23-year-old mother, he couldn't help but fall in love all over again. She still held that strength and fire that he had loved so much, but it was entwined with the compassion, understanding and maturity that came with having a daughter. She was no longer a tornado of activity – neither was he. They had both calmed their dancing flames into burning embers. Calm. Collected. Fiery, yet unwavering.

Six years had changed so much.

His eyes flicked over to the young girl that Clarke spoke to.

Madi.

That was he daughter. Bellamy had only been introduced to her a few nights ago, when he stumbled upon her in the woods. Usually, he would be the one comforting and taking care of the child. This time, it was Madi that held him as he sobbed and fell to his knees. A couple nights later, he saw Clarke for the first time in six years and Madi held him again while he cried.

She was a good kid. Clarke raised her right.

Madi's blue eyes met his brown and she smiled at him. Bellamy smiled back. It was so easy to like the 12-year-old – she was like a miniature Clarke. Friendly, strong, compassionate, and fierce. Madi had been so welcoming and so caring towards him and the returning space crew. He already felt a bond forming between the two of them, just like he did with Charlotte.

Gods, how things had changed.

His eyes flicked back to Clarke.

Even her appearance had changed. No longer did Clarke have the long blonde hair he dreamed of running his finger through. Now, it was short, with pink laced throughout. It suited her. The Ground-like clothing also suited her. She looked like a princess. His princess.

"Come on, my _natblida_ , let's go," Clarke whispered to the young girl. Bellamy couldn't take his eyes off of her as she nudged Madi forward and struck up a conversation with her mother. The three women left the small office, leaving Kane and Bellamy behind. It wasn't until the doors shut behind Madi did Bellamy look away from Clarke's retreating form. He turned his eyes towards the other man in the office.

Their eyes locked and a heavy silence filled the space.

Well, this was awkward.

Kane cleared his throat and shifted from foot to foot, clearly feeling the tension himself. While they used to be close, that was already six years ago. A lot had changed for both of them.

Where did they even begin?

Kane had gotten married to Abby while they were stuck in the bunker. That much was obvious, due to the ring on his finger. He had become the designated representative for Skaikru, presenting what his people wanted to the Commander – Octavia – and the other representatives. Thank the gods he still looked and acted the same. Bellamy didn't know what he would do if his mentor had changed completely.

As for himself, too much had happened. He had felt too much pain, had too many regrets. He had made mistakes, but none that he regretted more than leaving Clarke behind to die. He never truly moved on from the blonde haired girl – she held a large piece of his heart.

Yet, he tried to move on. He tried to live without her.

It killed him to, but Monty insisted that it wasn't healthy what he was doing. His friends were worried about him. They had a right to be.

They were right, he wasn't taking care of himself.

 _He didn't fucking care._

He had left her to die, who was he to continue to live like she meant nothing? Who was he to go on, living a life that she deserved to live?

He hadn't slept in months. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could imagine was her body. It was burning. He could imagine her face – it was covered in burns, blisters, and other angry red marks. And _her eyes_ – they were once bright blue, but were now clouded over, unseeing.

He couldn't deal with the guilt. He couldn't deal with his regrets. Sleep would amplify his pain – his nightmares showing exactly what he wished he would never want to see. Her death and her suffering.

He couldn't sleep and allow those demons in.

So, he didn't.

At night, he laid in her cell, staring out the window that overlooked Earth. He had examined her drawings a thousand times each, his fingers tracing each line from the piece of charcoal the she once held.

Gods, he missed her.

He left her to die. He abandoned her.

 _His heart hurt._

Raven helped.

She had begged him to eat something. He did.

She had begged for him to get a few hours of sleep. He refused to, refusing to see her dead body.

Raven understood. She had nightmares too. She reminded him that they didn't just leave the woman he loved behind, but they also left her best friend behind. _"I loved her, too, Bellamy, but she wouldn't want us to continue like this!"_ she had insisted.

He still refused to sleep, until she promised to stay by his side and wake him if he had any nightmares.

He slept.

When he woke up screaming, after witnessing her body burning to ash, she had kept her promise. She had held his shaking body night after night. Sometimes, it was Monty that shook him awake from his terror. Other times, Murphy was there. They all took turns piecing Bellamy back together again. Every night, he would wake up screaming because he would realize _over and over again_ that his reality was worse than his nightmares.

He was wrong. What he once thought was reality was actually not true.

She was alive.

His heart thudded in his chest when he thought back to those moments when he first caught a glimpse of the more mature Clarke. At first, he thought that he had died and she had come to welcome him to his new home. After he established that he was still alive, Bellamy insisted that she was a hallucination, brought on by the fact he had returned to Earth – her resting place.

It wasn't until her arms were wrapped around his shoulders did he realize _she was alive._ Clarke had survived, against all odds. Nightblood had worked. She didn't suffer a terrible death, all alone. She wasn't a pile of ashes.

No.

She was there, right in front of him. Alive.

Over the past six years, he had come to many realizations. His first one was that if you loved somebody, you should tell them right away. There was nothing worse than losing someone before they knew how much they meant to you. His second realization was that he was blindly in love with Clarke Griffin.

A sensible person should have combined those two realizations and come to one basic conclusion; he should tell Clarke that he loved her.

Did he?

No.

Sitting in Abby's office in the bunker, days later, he cursed himself over and over. As always, things had gotten complicated and their moments together were fleeting. Why didn't he say those three simple words?

 _'_ _I love you.'_

 _'_ _I miss you.'_

 _'_ _I need you.'_

He would've thought that he should've learned his lesson by now. _Just tell her what's on your mind._ Apparently not.

He had spent years thinking of her. He had spent years regretting his choices when it came to his princess. He had spent years accepting the fact she was dead and never coming back. He had spent years healing from his nine months on Earth.

Bellamy was confused, but he was clear about one thing – he would always love Clarke Griffin.

He had never forgotten about her. He didn't think he ever would.

Bellamy was broken away from his thoughts by Kane taking a step towards him and clearing his throat. Both men made eye contact once again.

"You still love her." It wasn't a question – it was a statement. Those four words made Bellamy falter internally. How did he know?

"What?" His mouth was dry, suddenly. Kane just laughed.

"It's fairly obvious, Bellamy," he stated. He walked the length of the room and dropped down in the seat beside him. "You're still in love with Clarke."

Bellamy was about to tell him to screw off – that it was none of his business. At least, that's what the old Bellamy would've done. That's what the Bellamy that had lived on Earth would've said. Instead, he glanced down at the ring on his finger and remembered his devotion to the elder Griffin woman.

Out of everyone in the universe, Marcus Kane was the most likely to understand.

Bellamy didn't put up any walls. He didn't brush off his accusations, nor did he walk away. Instead, the younger man let his head fall into his hands.

"It's that obvious?" he mumbled, his voice jumbled by the heels of his hands. Kane let out a hearty laugh.

"It's even more obvious than Emori's relief from being back on the ground!" There was a beat of silence, while they both collected their thoughts. "It's always been obvious. When we had finally found you kids, we realized there was a special connection between you and Clarke." Bellamy chuckled dryly, his memories from the first days on Earth fresher than they had ever been in the last several years.

"You should've seen us in the weeks after you guys had dropped us here to die. We wanted to rip each other's throats out."

"You should've seen Abby and I during those first few weeks after the election that landed me on the Council," Kane countered. "I don't think I've ever met a woman that wanted to kick out my kneecaps more than her." It was Bellamy's turn to laugh. "It seems as if these Griffin women of ours like to start out as enemies and move to something more." Bellamy's smile quickly turned to a frown.

"She isn't mine, Kane," he said heatedly. "Abby may be yours, but Clarke isn't 'my Griffin woman.' I just got her back from the dead. I left her behind to die." Kane rested his hand on Bellamy's upper arm. He jumped at the unfamiliar contact, but settled when he thought back to the numerous chats they had all of those years ago. This was familiar, just hazy. Gods, he would never admit it, but he missed Kane's wisdom and his advice. He was more of a parental figure than anybody else in his life.

"You haven't told her?" Kane asked, squeezing Bellamy's arm. He removed his hand and began twisting his wedding right around on his left finger. Bellamy just laughed without humor.

"Are you insane? Of course I haven't admitted it to her." Bellamy sighed and ran a hand over his tired face. His vision blurred. "I've barely admitted it to myself," he added, under his breath.

A heavy silence fell over them, each unsure of what to say next. Kane was the one to break it.

"You know, we're quite similar," he began. Bellamy cocked an eyebrow.

"How so?"

"Well, I know for a fact that I was in your position once." Interesting. Bellamy turned his gaze away from the floor and looked at his mentor. "I thought I had lost everything. It was right after the culling on the Ark; right after we had sent the hundred down to Earth and right before we followed." Bellamy felt his heart sink at the mention of the deaths of over 300 people on the Ark. He closed his eyes and tried to push back the guilt that flooded him. He could've stopped it. If he wasn't so selfish, it never would have happened. If he didn't steal the radio from Raven's pod, many of those people would have lived to see the ground. Bellamy thought that he had dealt with his guilt and his pain on the Ark, but being on Earth made all of his emotions so fresh. "I was partially responsible for all of those people dying."

"Me too," Bellamy muttered. Kane sent him a questioning glance, but didn't ask any further questions.

"Then, there was the explosion during Unity Day celebrations that had killed six of our people – including my mother." Kane had to pause to collect himself. "After that, I was truly alone. Our people hated me for allowing so many of us to die when there was another way. My mother, the one person that had always supported me, had been murdered. I didn't think I deserved to be happy after I had stolen so much happiness from so many people. I didn't think I deserved to be loved or cared for. I didn't think I deserved to live after that."

Bellamy felt for the man. Sure, he knew that he had it rough of the Ark, but he honestly didn't care. During these moments of his life, Bellamy couldn't care less if the privileged suffered – especially the Council. Now, Bellamy _knew_ the guy. He understood him, even if it had been years since they had exchanged words. Some relationships never really died with time.

"But, I was wrong," Kane said strongly, his voice was desperate for Bellamy to understand. "I found happiness here on Earth. I found love with Abby. I was wrong about all of that, just like you were once, Bellamy. Just like you _are_." Bellamy felt himself shiver at the strength of Kane's words. How could he see through his walls so clearly? When did they become so alike? "You had to leave her behind." It was those words that made something flare inside Bellamy. Regret. Shame. Embarrassment. Of course, now _he_ would be known as the person that gave up. He would be known as the person that left Clarke behind, just to save his own skin. He felt sick. That's exactly what he was, why would he bother hiding it?

"Who told you?" he felt himself say.

"Clarke told Abby and Abby told me. It doesn't matter. She understands your decision. We all do." Bellamy still felt sick. He could feel that Kane was trying to make things better, but Bellamy didn't think anything ever could do so. He would have to live with his decisions for the rest of his life.

"But… I left her." Kane sent Bellamy a look of pity and understanding. It almost said _I'm sorry you had to do it, I understand how hard it was._ Bellamy didn't want pity. He didn't deserve it.

"Any good leader would've chosen the same." Bellamy linked his lips, his heart hammering in his chest. While on the Ark, he had a lot of time to think. He thought about his time on Earth and how beautiful, yet haunting it had been. He thought about all of the people he had met, all of the people he had killed, and all of the people that had died for him.

"Maybe I don't want to be a leader anymore," he muttered. "Maybe I just want to be a person." Life would be easier. Maybe he wouldn't have so many regrets.

"Son, you don't get to choose to be a leader. _You just are_. And you're a damn good one." There was another pause. "I tried so hard to hide my love for Abby." Another shift in the subject. It was almost like Kane was trying to talk about everything that had happened in the last six years, all at once. "Our love was building up for weeks on the Ark and months on the ground before I even considered saying anything. I was too scared of losing her. I was too scared that she would still see me as the monster that wanted to declare her daughter and the rest of the hundred dead. I was afraid that the world would agree with me – that I didn't deserve love." Kane glanced down at the wedding band across his finger. "I'm glad I didn't let those fears stop me. Being with Abby has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. I just wish my mother was here to see us together – she wouldn't believe that we would end up married. Abby and I never saw eye to eye." Kane chuckled before turning solemn once more. "What I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid, Bellamy."

"I am though," Bellamy insisted. "You're right – we are more alike than different. The only thing is, _I don't get a happy ending_. You are a good man, Kane. You always deserved happiness and love. _That's the difference_. I'm not a good man. I'm a monster – I always have been. I deserve to suffer. I don't deserve anything, especially not her love."

"You are most definitely not a monster." It was a new voice now, coming from the doorway. Both men jumped in surprise, their heads snapping away from each other to view Clarke leaning in the doorframe. She took a step into the room. Kane cleared his throat, jumping up from his seat.

"I think I'll go find your mother now, Clarke."

"She's with Madi and Octavia. They're touring the med-bay." Kane nodded before stepping out of the room. Clarke took confident steps, falling into the chair beside Bellamy. He raised an eyebrow.

"And you're not with them?" he asked. He felt his body screaming from being so close to her, yet so far away. This was their first moment they had alone ever since they were reunited. Bellamy felt emotional, finally being beside her again. All he wanted to do was hold her and never let go. All he wanted to do was beg for forgiveness and tell her how sorry he was.

"I seen parts of it when I came in," she began. "Plus, I'd much rather spend time with my favourite Sky Person." Clarke bumped her shoulder with his and he laughed. Bellamy felt off when those words left her mouth – almost like she was implying that she wasn't one of them anymore.

Realization struck him.

She was right. She wasn't really one of them anymore. She had spent the last six years on the ground, while they had lived in the sky.

"I guess I can spare a few moments for my favourite Grounder," he replied, trying to keep the mood light despite the hollow pit that opened up inside of him. She rolled her eyes and snorted. It didn't feel right, calling her a Grounder. It didn't feel right, being on two different sides. Sure, they had spent months arguing when they were on the ground, but Bellamy never imagined they would be on opposite ends of the spectrum again. At least, not like this.

"It's strange how our roles have shifted, hey? Originally, _I_ was a Sky Person, too. Now, I'm one of them. I'm one of the Grounders." Bellamy smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. She sensed his apprehension. "What's wrong?"

"How much of my conversation did you hear with Kane?" he asked, cutting right to the subject. Sensing how important this was to him, her smile dropped off of her face. Clarke shrugged.

"Not much." She sent him a pointed look. "Enough of it, though. I heard enough to determine that you're in the wrong." His eyebrows shot up.

"I'm in the wrong?"

"Yes. You said that you're a monster and that you don't deserve a happy ending." She reached out for his hand and grasped it tightly in her own. When their skin made contact, it felt like he was going to explode. He had spent hours imagining being able to feel her soft skin again. He spent hours thinking about being able to do just this – hold her hand. He thought it would never happen again, but here he was. A shock went up his arm when her thumb ran over his knuckles. "You're wrong, Bellamy. You're a great man – one of the best that I know." It was Bellamy's turn to roll his eyes.

"Clarke-"

"I'm serious!" she insisted. "You deserve as much happiness as anybody, if not more. You've always been the one to sacrifice things, ever since Octavia was born. You've always given up your happiness for the joy of others. You're as selfless as they get." Bellamy rolled his eyes again, thinking back to all of the mistakes he made. Specifically, he thought back to snatching the radio from Raven. How was the not selfish?

"Right."

"Everyone does some selfish acts in their life," she said simply. Bellamy just stared at his princess. She had changed so much, yet… she was exactly the same. He didn't know it was possible, but she had become more sure of herself. She had gotten wiser. "You're not a monster. You're a good man," she repeated. She chuckled. "Actually, Madi idolizes you."

"What? She hardly knows me."

"You were her favourite bedtime story. Of course, I told her all about the hundred and the others that we met. She knows all about our adventures. But out of all of them – my mother, Kane, Wells, Raven, Octavia, Murphy, Jasper – she loves you the most." Bellamy fell silent, trying to process that. He never would've imagined that he had become one of those legends he would read about when he was younger. "If there's one person in the world that doesn't lie, it would be a child. Children only tell the truth." Bellamy laughed internally, thinking back to the days where he raised Octavia. Only telling the truth was one way to put it – he preferred the term 'brat' and 'not knowing when to be quiet.' Oh, how the times had changed.

"What did you tell her?" Bellamy could just imagine how well stories about him would go over. _Oh, my friend Bellamy, he tried to assassinate the current Chancellor, had a hand in killing my best friend Wells, played a part in the death of 300 of my people, sacrificed 350 men, women and children in Mount Weather, massacred 300 of_ your _people that were there to protect us from Azgeda, and left me behind to die. Did I mention that this was all within the span of nine months?_ Yeah, what a great fairy-tale.

"I told her about you," Clarke replied simply. She was composed – the only thing that gave away her true feelings was the small smile on her lips and the blush across her cheeks. "I spoke about your dedication to Octavia; your fierce need to protect her and anybody else you cared about; the way you fight for what you believe in, but know to relent if you are wrong; the way you fight for your people – our people – no matter how grim the outcome looked; the way you forgave me for leaving you at the time we needed each other most, even if I didn't deserve your forgiveness; the way you inspire and lead people with both your head and your heart."

She was wrong. He wasn't a good man.

The one thing that stuck out to him while she was talking was 'the way you forgave me for leaving you at the time we needed each other most, even if I didn't deserve your forgiveness.' Now, the tables had turned. He was the one to leave her behind, when she needed him most. Did she hate him for that, just like he hated her for those same actions? Would she ever forgive him?

"Will you forgive me?" he blurted out. Clarke's eyes widened at the initial shock. "Will you forgive me for leaving you behind?" he clarified. Her lips turned into a soft smile, despite being thrown back in time to the moments leading up to what she thought was her death.

"It had to be done," she spoke slowly, perfectly echoing the words he said to her after they first saw each other after she had closed the dropship doors on him. Bellamy remembered that moment they shared, sitting around the glowing fire in the middle of the night.

" _I_ was the one to close the door to the rocket. _I_ was the one to give up hope on you. It was me. _I_ left you behind. _I_ left you to die. I-" Clarke promptly shut him up when her lips fell on his.

He didn't wait to respond – he had spent six years waiting to feel her lips on his. He had spent six years _praying_ that he would get this exact opportunity in another lifetime.

Unlike before, he didn't hesitate.

He wrapped his arms around her torso, pulling her flush against him. Her hands found their way to his hair, tangling in them, pulling his face closer to hers. His fingers on his right hand played with the red tips of her hair, while his left hand gripped her waist as tightly as he could without hurting her.

He wanted to feel all of her.

He had gone too long without her. He thought she was dead.

 _He needed to feel all of her._

He pulled away, their chests heaving. His eyes were locked on hers, trying so hard to convey all of his emotions.

 _I love you._

 _I miss you._

 _I need you._

"That had to be done, too, Bellamy," Clarke stated strongly. Her fingers moved from his hair to his jaw, tracing the outline of his beard. "You saved them, Bellamy. And, look." She took his hand and placed it on her chest, just above where her heart beat. "I'm still alive." _She's still alive._ "You didn't leave me behind to die. _I sacrificed myself so you could live_."

"You're alive," he repeated to himself. _She was right there in front of him._ He didn't leave her behind to die. She had lived. _She had lived._

"I'm alive," Clarke repeated, her hand curling around his. "You're a good man, Bellamy Blake," she insisted. "And I always love a good man." Bellamy just stared wide-eyed at the girl that gripped his hand. Their eyes met. "I love you. I forgive you."

Bellamy felt something inside of himself shift at her words. He still didn't think he was a good person, but hearing Clarke and Kane – two people that he valued so much – say those words sent a jolt to his heart.

Maybe if they could forgive him, he could forgive himself too.

 _Maybe._

"I love you, too, Clarke." Clarke just smiled at Bellamy, lightly brushing her fingers along his jawline.

Bellamy wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Her body was so familiar. As soon as she settled into his side, it was almost like every cell in his body released the tension they were holding.

She was here.

She was safe.

What ever came next, at least they would be together.

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 **Some end notes for you guys.**

 **1) In my head, Madi is the first to meet the sky crew once they land on Earth. Maybe Clarke is making peace with the Eligius Corporation? Who knows. I just always imagine Madi and Bellamy developing a connection without Clarke in the picture. Of course, this is only my headcanon, so you don't have to think the same!**

 **2) I have so many headcanons of the space crew getting really close over these six years. They each have their own healing to do and I imagine that every one is helping the others heal in some way. I couldn't stop imagining their group healing, so I tried to write that in here. I can't wait to see what they do with that in season 5!**

 _ **Self-promotion time!:** As some of you may know, I ship Bellarke a lot and I have a few fanfictions. The one-shots are "The Demons Within", "Time," "Tortured Souls," and "Gray". The multi-chapter fic is "Ashes". You can find all of my stories by clicking the link to my profile! **If you've already read them, thank you!**_

 **Great. Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed a lighter (ish) Bellarke story. I love getting feedback, so send me your opinions and comments in a review! I accept signed and anonymous reviews, PLUS I respond to each review from a member. *wink***

 **Thanks again for reading!**

 **Paw**


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